Don't Give In, Don't You Dare Quit So Easy!
- Marco
- Mar 18, 2020
- 8 min read
Since joining Instagram, they always recommended several bands or artists that they “think” I should follow. Several of them were on point bands and artists, the others, well they missed the mark. Snow Patrol was one of the bands that popped up on the recommended list and I thought to myself, sure why not! I love Snow Patrol! Snow Patrol is a band that is right up there in my top 10 favorite bands, hell maybe even top 5. I love them enough that I have their band logo on the back of my car. A big red snowflake!
Now, this isn't an article about how much I love Snow Patrol and their music. Believe me, that will be coming in the future (near future? Who knows!). I could definitely go on about Snow Patrol’s music, but i’m not here to bore you with that just yet haha. This post is about Gary Lightbody, and my admiration for him. The idea for this article came about when I saw an instagram post from him on Snow Patrol’s official Instagram page. It was just a plain old selfie video of Gary with his acoustic guitar, explaining how he was going to do a live solo gig on instagram live this Thursday @ 7pm GMT. I figured I'd throw that in there just in case anyone wants to watch it haha.I know I will be watching! So Gary had previously asked fans in the same manner via a video on his story to post in the comments, songs that fans want him to play! I took the time to comment and requested one of their newer songs called “Heal Me”. It’s off their newest album “Wildness”. I promise this article is not in any way a promotion of Snow Patrol, but seriously listen to Heal Me, specifically the acoustic version. I promise you won’t regret it!
I haven’t listened to Snow Patrol in a few months, but when I saw Gary’s face on his Instagram post, I couldn’t help but smile. I’m not sure what it is, but his smile, demeanour, and voice just make me feel so relaxed. When he talks, it makes me feel like everything is going to be ok. I really do admire Gary, and I consider him to be one of my influences and one of the artists I love the most. He is right up there with Lennon, Noel G, Bono, and Kelly Jones. I admire Gary as a person, and for what he has been through, struggled with and what he has overcome.
I never really was into Snow Patrol that much growing up, and I really got more into them with this new album. As I started following them more and more, I became more aware of Gary’s story, and his battle with addictions, alcoholism, depression, and dealing with the loss of his father to Dementia/Alzheimers. I always thought Snow Patrol was always around pumping out music and I just wasn’t aware of what was going on with Gary behind the scenes. It turned out that before their most recent album Wildness, they had not released an album since 2011’s “Fallen Empires”. I had no idea it had been so long. In that time, Gary suffered from writer’s block, and was abusing alcohol. Gary actually doesn’t call it alcoholism, but more of a dependency on alcohol, where his hand would start to shake if he didn’t have a drink. It got to the point where it was a daily thing.
"I was spending a lot of time in Los Angeles and my friends out there, that I made, would maybe go out once a week, but I would want to go out seven days a week,” he said. "So I would spend a lot of time, if I wasn’t able to find someone, I’d just go out anyway. I think the shift was drinking alone, drinking alone a lot.”
“Lightbody, from Co Down, said he was able to mask his addiction for a long time because his personality never changed while drunk and he became so good at masking alcohol, that his friends and family didn't urge him too much to quit.”
“It was just the drinking when I came home again that was the problem. I would have had people saying ‘awe you’re out every night’, you know, but for the most part it was me just going, ‘you need to change this.”
On top of the alcohol dependency came Depression and writer's block.
“There is a strange parallel to depression, because you can be the happiest you’ve ever felt, come off stage after playing to 20,000 people and feel 20ft tall, and three hours later I’m sitting in a hotel room, feeling completely devastated, isolated, alone.”
I was in disbelief when I read about all these struggles Gary was facing. His depression drove him to the brink of suicide.
"Yeah, I thought about not existing," he says, almost choking on the words. "I just felt really, really sluggish… my will to live had kinda ebbed away."
I just used to think, 'I don't want to be here.' And that took root. And it's something I've fought with my whole life."
Just thinking of that makes me sad. How could such a warm, gentle soul think that? The Gary I know could never think that! But I am wrong. Unfortunately, for some, achieving their wildest dreams might not be enough. Some of us are left with a void, a hole that we fall into, and feel like we can never climb out of. Anytime I hear of an artist passing due to suicide, sometimes I think, what? There’s no way. I always say, you never really know what’s going on behind closed doors at home, and you never really know what a person is thinking. Everything might seem fine and dandy on the outside, but on the inside it’s a whole different story. The same can be said for Gary. All the shows, the rock star status, it wasn’t enough. To some, they may think, how could they be sad? They’ve got it all. Money, fame. They shouldn’t be sad. Well, sadly that isn’t the case. In some instances all that materialistic stuff can harm a person, their mind, or their spirit. Like Gary said, he was good at masking his alcohol use, and the same could be said about depression.
What did make me happy, was when I read about Gary coming back from the brink of these addictions. He did open up about his struggles, and finally came to his senses in 2016 when he had a health scare.
"I was in the gym, reached down, touched my toes, came back up again… and the whole place started wobbling." “An emergency medical examination revealed the infections in his ears, eyes and sinuses - all symptoms of the cocaine and alcohol he had been putting into his system.”
After that, that was it for him. He’d end up quitting alcohol and drugs, and began to work on getting back on track, and getting sober. The biggest lesson and thing that Gary has stressed throughout his journey is that you’re not alone, and there is always hope.
"The thing I realise about depression now that I didn't really properly understand before is: you don't get through it on your own."
That is a line that will stick with me forever. A subtle reminder from one of my favorite people on this planet. I remember in an interview, Gary was talking about going through the process, and the one thing he stressed the most, was going to see someone and talk about how you feel. That was the one thing I remembered from that interview. That, and that he saw a psychiatrist, instead of going to rehab for treatment. With all of that, a great support system is a must. He had his fellow bandmates throughout his battle and his eventual recovery.
So, why do I love Gary so much? I love him because he came back from the brink. Gary is a light for those that are in the dark. I love how he opened up about his issues and his struggles. He let us into his world. For a majority of us, we are blind to the battles that these people face. You never hear about them until it’s too late. I admire Gary because he’s using his status to help the cause, to show people that you can get better. Again, you’re not alone, and there are people out there that can help, and people that care, and you don’t have to go through it alone. It’s amazing for me to think that Gary went through all this. I never would have guessed. He seems like the most relaxed and down to earth person. He probably always was. I feel like he’s my friend, despite not knowing him.I got to know him by watching interviews where he shared what he went through, I feel the same way about Kelly Jones. I feel like Gary genuinely cares about his fans, and cares about me. I remember that scene from A Bronx Tale, where the little boy named Calogero, talks about how much he loves Mickey Mantle. Then the mobster Sonny tells him how these big shots like him don’t care about us, about you. I don’t believe that to be true. I genuinely think Gary cares about his fans. With what he has been through, I think he does. When I feel down and out, I sometimes turn to Snow Patrol’s music for comfort, and think about Gary. In those thoughts, I know everything will be ok.
More recently, Gary opened up about dealing with his father’s dementia. I learned of this again through an interview and band promo for the new album Wildness. The song “Soon” was actually a song written for Gary’s dad, and I learned of that through the music video, and a behind the scenes for the shooting of the video where Gary is with his Dad at their family house looking at old pictures. Gary shared how hard it was getting with his dad, as he began to not even recognize him. He had said his dad was at a show with his mom and his dad was enjoying the concert that he turned to his wife and asked “Who is this”? His wife had to remind him that it was your son, Gary. I can connect personally to this, having two grandparents who are both battling with the disease. I’m always amazed, looking back at old pictures, how these people we know and love can be reduced to nothing. They become so far gone, they don’t know who we are. The odd time my grandparents will mix my name up with my brother, which is still better than not recognizing you at all. I understand that this is not them, and it is the disease talking. I always try to remind myself that they’re acting the way they do because of it. It’s not them. It keeps me from getting mad or upset at them, because it’s not their fault. I am thankful that they still recognize me, but I am prepared for the day when they don’t, and for the day they succumb to this disease. It makes me sad to think about it. What is important is that I love them no matter what. They will always be my grandparents whether they know me or not, and that won’t stop me from visiting them either. Unfortunately, Gary’s dad passed recently around Christmas time or New Years. Gary held back from telling us and waited until the Holiday season was over, as not to make the season sad. I was sad when he broke the news over instagram. I felt for Gary, cause it was a constant battle for him, trying to manage and deal with his dad's worsening condition. He never stopped loving him. It always makes me sad when I hear of other people passing away. I always think, that person is gone, they’re no longer here. They don’t exist anymore. Where did they go? I always get sort of reflective when it comes to hearing about someone passing. Talking about death is a whole other topic!
I hope I was able to give you a glimpse into Gary’s struggle, and his eventual comeback, and why I admire him so much. Knowing what he has gone through adds a whole other dimension to the music. I now see so many parallels and allusions in the music that hint at Gary’s struggle. Gary is proof that anyone can get better, and things can and will get better, and you’re not alone.
“Take your hands, knot your fingers through mine. We’ll walk from this dark room, for the last time.”
-Marco xx
Comments